have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
