I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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