I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
