apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
