you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize