so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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