Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
