MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
