I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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