Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
try to milk me bitch
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
