TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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