So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
FUCK WHALES
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
