when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize