1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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