I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
