he wants to bone in the snuggie
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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