the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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