wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize