Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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