So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
