my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
