you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
