Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
