I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
