bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
