Welp...herpes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
