I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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