But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize