All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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