I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
