i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
