Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
