This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
