i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize