oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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