How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
