I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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