Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize