she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
