So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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