Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
