i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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