Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Mom said you looked used
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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