yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
