The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
