I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
