tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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