Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
