His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
