I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All the doctor said was why
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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