Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
