Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
