Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
