Having a random hookup so left but love u
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
