$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Pappa wants mamma naked
someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
