Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
