Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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