Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize