Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
