I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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