Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Omg I joined a choir last night...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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