my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
