I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I did not marry a roomba.
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