Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
