Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize