I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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