There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
