you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's never too late to be topless.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
