WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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