There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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