I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
