How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
