the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
