So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
