before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
