Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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