that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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